10.06.10

The cold bitter air once again returns to the life after being dead for months

...this month is extremely difficult for me and you know why.

As I wander these streets, I'm screaming for someone, anyone to fear me to notice me, but no one looks up. I am invisible

and entirely alone in this world. I'm dead and hollow inside. My spirit flows among the falling leaves, as they plummet down to their resting place. They're all falling.......fallen like me.

The clods drift among the skies now...creating darkness and falling tears.

I remember how last year felt, the sun warm on my back, the wind kissing my cheeks I was happy. WE were happy. I wish I could still recall any sense of what that was like. Oh, how an adventure it was to be alive.

I remember the winds tickling the chime... The balcony heard marvelous songs as the chimes sang and danced for the world to see... they laughed and cried along with the rain and the sunshine. And now, they have retired. They're silent now, like me. Our stories have been told... And we are put to rest.

The cold bitter air settles in my heart now, and refuses to leave. I no longer remember what it was like to come home to you.....

Your kiss, your touch, your smell, the presence of you has faded so fast, and as I stand outside your front doorway...

I see the new memories you have made, and the new love that is shared And I turn away. I cannot bear this pain... or is this pain?

No trace of me is left of you to find, no hand prints on the window sill...no footprints leading to my domain.

My soul walks the daybreak lake, and I watch you come and go as you please. Unlike you, I am sentenced to eternal darkness...

For anyone to feel me, acknowledge my presence or to even know that I passed them by would be so amazing..

For you to see me.... standing at your door way would be a miracle. I've tried to come home to you plenty and plenty of times before... but your intuition doesn't allow you to see me.... to feel me.... as I cup my hands around your face...  as I lay next to you in bed when you're alone.... and hold you and kiss you.... and beg for your attention....

Instead, faith is wearing thin, the string that I am help upon is breaking slowly..... and the winter cold will soon freeze that string and and my heart and completely shatter it.... I think you can find me.... and save you... I beg you to find me and save me...